Woof!

So I was watching some segment on CNN today and at the end it talked a bit about the Chinese horoscope. Although that stuff isn't really my thing, it sounded quite interesting so I looked it up and found that I was born in the year of the dog. Oddly enough, 2006 is also the year of the dog. A short summary of this sign goes like this:

DOG: The Dog will never let you down. Born under this sign you are honest, and faithful to those you love. You are plagued by constant worry, a sharp tongue, and a tendency to be a fault finder, however. You would make an excellent businessman, activist, teacher, or secret agent.

Hmm ... okay. Some stuff are accurate, others aren't really. Let's see ... businessman? That's not bad. Activist? Nah. Teacher? Maybe. Secret agent? Ooh, I like that. A more lengthy, and detailed description is:

Dog people are loyal and honest and obedient, guardians of the house at night. They can be counted on to keep secrets and for always doing the right thing. They can be emotionally distant and do not mix well in social gatherings where they are often seen as wallflowers. They do better with one-on-one relationships and find happiness in the happiness they bring to others, such as finding the most perfect gifts for their friends. While it is true that they have sharp tongues and are a bit stubborn and eccentric, in a work situation they tend to work very well with other people. What is more, they always seem to have money and make excellent leaders. Because of their high moral stance, they are inspiring beyond measure.

Oookay. Always seem to have money? If only that were true. I guess 'seem' is the operative word here. Now do I have a sharp tongue? As far as I know I don't think so, well at least, not all the time. Hmm ... that line about finding happiness in bringing happiness to others is definitely true, but doesn't everyone? Oh, this line was actually missing from that paragraph:

Sizzling Rice Soup and Chinese Cabbage are among the keys to good health!!

Wonderful! That's always nice to know. Guess I know what I'm having for lunch tomorrow. Now it turns out that there are actually different types of dogs corresponding to the different elements, kinda like Captain Planet. There's a Metal Dog, Water Dog, Wood Dog, Fire Dog, and Earth Dog. What!? No Hot Dog? Ehehehe. Ahem. I happen to be classified as a Water Dog. That's perfectly fine with me even if I can't swim very well. Metal and wood dogs seem like they wouldn't have much personality. A Fire dog reminds me of asocena, and an Earth dog must mean it's dead. Water dog it is. It says that:

Water Dogs are real charmers, easily attracting friends and colleagues into their inner circle. Handling the ins and outs of human relations is so easy for them! They know how to smooth over any personal situation with their kind, honest, easy-going nature. Always empathetic, always rational, their ability to play Devil's Advocate helps open up whole new ways of approaching problems and finding solutions. Their views on life are expansive because of an ingrained wanderlust which has taken and will continue to take them to exotic locales about the globe. They adapt like chameleons to new environments and new people and their lives are all-encompassing, full of rich adventure. Financial and career success comes to the Water Dogs later in life -- just watch these late bloomers burst open! Regarding their love life, when it comes to dating and romance, their temperature ranges from hot to cold, from one extreme to another. Sometimes they want a commitment, other times they run Geronimo. But, when true love finally comes, and it will, they have it made. Their relationships are filled with good honest communication and genuine kindness and total caring for their partner. Marriage will be as firm as the Rock of Gibraltar.

Whoa, that sounds pretty good, almost too good. Funny though how it mentions the Rock of Gibraltar. Isn't this supposed to be a 'Chinese' horoscope? Or did Chinese folks discover that part of the Iberian Peninsula? Looking further, I find that some famous dogs are Benjamin Franklin, Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley, Jacques Cousteau, Bill Clinton, Mother Teresa, Jane Goodall, and Jean Chrétien. Hmm.. that's probably the only time I'll ever see Michael Jackson and Mother Teresa mentioned in the same sentence. Makes me wonder, was Michael a dog before he became white or after? Nevertheless, that's a pretty wicked list. Bill Clinton is DEFINITELY a dog, just ask Hillary.

So what's the moral of all of this? Nothing. Horoscopes are nothing more than bogus, amusing pieces of entertainment. Although I must admit, close to 65% of what was said about my sign is true about me. Quite surprising.

Now if only I wasn't broke, then I'd definitely believe it.