Happy Birthday to Me

Today I turned 23. Funny, I don't feel it. I don't even feel like I'm 19. These past few days, I've been remembering, or should I say, reminiscing about the past. From when I was little fighting in TKD tournaments, to life in highschool in Pisay to the past 5 or 6 years in Canada that I feel have been unfruitful in terms of my personal life ... that I realize I should have made the most out of. There are still many things I feel I need to accomplish. My studies, Taekwondo, my professional career and my personal development. I haven't made very good use of my talents and haven't fully taken advantage of the opportunities that have come my way. Part of is due simply to laziness, and part of it is also because of the fear of failure and embarassment. I've passed up on a lot of things, and many times I've regretted it. My only wish on this day is that I gain and develop the wisdom and courage to live a fruitful life. I am thankful for my family and the way I was raised. I am thankful for all the graces and blessings that I have received. Never in my life have I felt the pain and suffering of having nothing to eat on the table or being unloved. I have received plenty of opportnities to improve myself and my future. I blame only myself for not making the most of them.

Perhaps, the only other thing that is missing in my life is someone to whom I can give my attention and affection. Probably, in my heart, that person is in the Philippines. Who knows, maybe I will see her again and I will be able to open up to her. It risks our friendship, but what have I got to lose? Or perhaps, that person is somewhere else in the world, maybe closer than I think. Only time will tell.

In the meantime, life continues. The days are met by the sun, and the nights by the moon. The seasons continue their cycle, and the stars shine as bright. Once again, my days of emptiness begin.